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Jokes
A hatchet-faced lady tapped the keeper of the monkey house indignantly on the shoulder. "Those wretched animals of yours appear to be engaged in shooting dice. I demand that you break up the game at once." "Shucks," shrugged the keeper, "They're keeping strictly within the law, Ma'am. They're only playing for peanuts." "William, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!" "That's great, honey! Should I pack for the beach, the mountains, or what?" "Who cares? Just get out."President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. We learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette. President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette is a dangerous game!" The African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and in paraded a half dozen, magnificently built women who immediate shrugged off their garb. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton. As you can well imagine, THIS got Clinton's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How is this related to Russian roulette?" The African leader smiled evilly, leaned towards Clinton and in a soft, even voice said "One of them is a cannibal."A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on that trip won $100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a.m. He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house. "You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor. The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first."
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